I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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