Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
