maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
