wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
