I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
