she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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