Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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