don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.