Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help