if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.