smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom