Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.