We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.