My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
