Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
