I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
