I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
