Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
