he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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