just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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