airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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