you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
