You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
