you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
