is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
