so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In other news, I just burned my penis
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
