google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
