her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
