there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
