If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize