My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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