The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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