Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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