Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
