This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dignity is for republicans.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.