It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.