wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?