Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.