Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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