Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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