if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize