We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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