Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
