mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
