Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
