OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
