I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
