Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
