I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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