sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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