My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
