Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
