fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
