Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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