My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
