so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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