YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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