Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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