So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
