i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
