dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
