A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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