his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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