Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
