So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
