Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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