Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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