So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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